Changes! – A whole new lifestyle – A whole new way of living and working isn’t done in just one day. It doesn’t just happen on the first day. Less than a month ago I was still in my corporate job at Infineon. And so these past 10 days have been full – full emotionally, full with changes, full with adjustments.
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But let me start with my time away alone in the „Westlichen Wälder“– A large forest west of Augsburg. It was beautiful and I simply enjoyed the silence. The Stauden-Meditations Weg is definitely worth it. I was filled with thankfulness. To be honest I thought being alone would cause me to drop off into melancholy reflection. Giving up my position, my team, my security. But I was surprised by the deep peace I felt and how full of a thankful heart I was for how God had opened this door, how God had led me. I was just thankful to finally start at the Prayer house. I did so much hiking – walking 15-30 km each day. I felt as though I literally had to put distance between my job and the start at the prayer house. Something new was about to start and so I needed to leave the past behind me. On my last day I decided to hike the 30 km home instead of taking the bus. So after 6 hours I ended up at a café in Bobingen. I didn’t plan this, but that was the exact same café where I had sat together with one of the leaders of the prayer house 5 months ago. It was here that I began to think about leaving Infineon and take this leap of faith. Trusting God to provide the finances for me and my family. That was very meaningful to me. To top it all off, God allowed me to receive an email as I was sitting there from a family that decided to support us. It was as if He was saying: „ Look I will take care of you!”
So with tired feet and a happy and firm heart I started on March 1st. I felt such a privilege on that day. How great it was to be commissioned and prayed for. And how great to have such peace and see His confirming hand.
One of my big questions (that I have already written about here) was: How would it feel to pray 4-5 hours each day?
I admit I had a hard time the first two days entering this prayer lifestyle. Still filled with a desire to DO a bunch of things – to accomplish – to gets stuff off my “To-Do” list. I quickly ran out of things to pray for and felt then so hard to stay focused. Just having left Infineon – a high performance company, I was struck by the stark contrast of what I was entering into. “What I waste! – What abandonment!
- Why are those 5 talented musicians playing two hours with such professionalism worship songs when the room is half empty?
- Why pray for the needs of this country with such earnestness when no one is listening?
- Why spend all this time in prayer?
A waste of time? Did I really leave my career for this?
On my third day in the Prayer Room I decided to stop “doing” and to try to just be present. I was hit in full force on that day for whom all this is being done. All the hours – all the songs – all the prayers – all the stillness – all the talented musicians. All this because Jesus is risen – He is Lord and He is worth it. All this abandoned “waste” felt like a culture shock to my effectivity, results driven business lifestyle.
Isn’t that what love really is? Extravagant “wasteful” “over the top”? Going all out for your loved one! Love isn’t really love if it is all about effectiveness, getting something out of it or fulfilling some duty. Love is always about going the extra mile.
In the midst of a two-hour worship session where in song and prayer we were contemplating only two verses from the throne room of God (Revelations 4) I became aware that there is actually nothing more valuable than this. To sit at His feet and give him all my worship. I can’t imagine a worthier use of my time.